One would think that the Colts organization, by all accounts a rather astute group of football minds, would have realized that getting a legitimate backup for Peyton Manning should be on their list of priorities. Yes, before this year, Manning was more durable than the scalpel used by Joan Rivers’ surgeon; however, teams need to plan for emergencies. Seriously, Jeff Garcia wouldn’t have taken that job in a heartbeat?
But no, the Colts proceeded to go through the likes of Jim Sorgi and Curtis Painter as their primary backups to Manning. Apparently, players like Spergon Wynn were beyond the talent level needed at that position. The questions asked by Colts management must have been whether or not they can carry a clipboard while wearing shoulder pads and if they like hats. If you answered yes to both of those questions, then you could have been a Colts backup quarterback as well.
All of this ignored that Manning was literally everything to that organization. Their head coach’s coaching style is reminiscent of a blaxploitation version of the corpse from Weekend At Bernie’s. In fact, are we even sure that Jim Caldwell is alive? Has anyone seen the man blink? And what is he doing with that headset on, monitoring the drive-thru worker at the local McDonald’s as he takes orders? Useless.
And yet, Caldwell is not the only problem. They have not had a useful running back since the reign of James I (Edgerrin) ended in 2005. Their attempts to draft a running back have met with the same success that Vanilla Ice had with his album ‘Mind Blowin’. This even includes the coming of James II, Edgerrin’s cousin Javarris. In fact, despite spending two first round draft choices on the position since 2006. In fact, they have blown their last five first round picks. Winning franchises do not do that – they find actual playmakers. Teams like the Bengals, Bills, and Lions blow all of their first round picks, not teams that are supposed to be in the upper echelon of franchises like the Colts.
Then there is the train wreck that is loosely referred to as the Colts defense. They would not be able to an opposing offense that was comprised of eleven Helen Kellers. Dwight Freeney is still considered an impact player, but he is almost as old as Jeanne Calment was when she died. Pat Angerer has a great name for a linebacker, and is a tackling machine, but he is not a playmaker at all. The cupboard is completely barren on this side of the ball.
The only reason why the Colts were contenders year after year was Peyton Manning. Even though the season is only two weeks in, this has been proven beyond any doubt, given the absolute inability by the Colts to display even gross incompetence on the field. Yes, the Indianapolis Colts are playing football worse than France fares when it comes to a war since the times of Napoleon. Was their plan to find a backup to Manning to go 0-16, draft Andrew Luck, and hope he will be ready when the time comes? Because it sure seems like that was the plan.
Sadly, this also seems to be the plan being taken by the Kansas City Chiefs, who are playing more like the Chefs presently. At least they can point to numerous injuries as to why they have problems. In fact, avoid football entirely during Week 5 of the NFL season, in case you accidentally see any part of the Chiefs-Colts battle for the first overall pick. People that see this game may experience symptoms such as vomiting, breaking out in cold sweats, and having flashbacks of watching Jack Trudeau attempting to play quarterback. The only way to get rid of these symptoms would be to swallow a shotgun. Sorry, but terrible football is a fatal disease. Wonder if this suckfest will end in a 0-0 tie……
By not playing, Peyton Manning has proven to be more valuable than any one person currently playing for their teams. It’s time for the voters for the annual NFL awards to step outside the box, and vote Peyton Manning for 2011 MVP.
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