Fixing the Red Sox

Last night, the Red Sox completed a collapse that was reminiscent of 1978 by blowing a nine game lead in the wild card during the month of September. For the last twenty games, they managed to play worse than anyone else in the American League except for the Royals, who they tied with a dreadful 5-15 record. That sort of record can be expected by teams that are going nowhere, as they are giving AAA players a shot to prove they can play, but not from a potential playoff team like the Sox were.

However, there is a way to fix the Red Sox so that their issues do not appear again. So step away from the Take-A-Number machine at the Tobin Bridge, get off the ledge, and stop jumping to your deaths. Also, look at the bright side in this – chances are, there will be fewer Pink Hat fans at Fenway next year, allowing real Sox fans to have greater access to the park.

Step One to fixing the Red Sox – get rid of Terry Francona and Curt Young: Quite simply, Francona’s time has come. He has lost the clubhouse, as evidenced by his admission earlier today that he needed to call a team meeting during their time in Toronto earlier this month, telling the players to focus on the game and not any off-field distractions. That obviously did not happen. The Sox continued to play with their heads buried in the sand for the remainder of the month, as they appeared complacent that their superior talent would allow them to coast into the playoffs as though it was their right. Francona has created an atmosphere where players do not need to take responsibility for their actions or performances (see Lackey, John). They can get time off due to phantom injuries (see Drew, JD). They can be out of shape for the entire season, and it does not matter (see half their roster). He needs to go.

Joining him should be Curt Young. Young was a terrible fit for this organization, as they have a number of strikeout pitchers, but he tried to implement a philosphy of pitching to contact. However, to have that be effective, there needs to be something resembling defense behind the pitchers, and the pitchers have to know how to get the hitter to hit the ball off the end of the bat. Too often, Red Sox pitchers threw absolute meatballs in key situations and were unable to get the big outs when they needed them. This can be placed squarely on Young and his pitching philosphy.

Step Two – Find Cement Shoes For John Lackey: If Lackey was the horse that he looks like, he would have been allowed to eat one last sugar cube before someone took a shotgun and blew his brains all over the pasture. The only thing he would be good for is Tyler Durden’s soap. Lackey is the personification of what is wrong with the Red Sox – fat, complacent, unable to take responsibility for the fact that he sucks, and has a contract almost as bloated as his waistline. If the Sox can get anything at all for him, even if it is a garbage bag of used sweatsocks, they should jump on it in a moment. Too bad that Jim Hendry got fired a couple months ago, because Lackey is his type of player – useless and overpaid. Oh, and you have three more years of this at $15.25Million per. The Sox may actually be better off dumping him entirely and regarding that money as a loss.

Step Three – Change Their Free Agent Evaluation Process: Whatever the Sox are doing, it is not working. They are dangerously close to becoming the New York Yankees of the mid 19080′s to the mid 1990′s. Remember that collection of high priced misfit toys that Steinbrenner would assemble that hated each other and could not play together? Well, that’s where the Sox are heading. Instead of trying to find the best fit for their long and short term goals, they have done nothing but throw money at the problems (see Lackey, John and Crawford, Carl). It does not matter if the players make any actual sense for the organization, it just matters as to whether or not they are big names. The Sox used to be good at finding players that fit their system (Ortiz, Kevin Millar, Bill Mueller, Curt Schilling, etc), regardless of their reputations. Now, they are simply throwing big names at a wall and hoping they stick. This is why the clubhouse is so fractured, and why no one cares. Speaking of…..

Step Four – Youth Infusion: Let’s look at the prospective free agents this offseason for the Sox. There are Marco Scutaro, Ortiz, Jason Varitek, JD Drew, Tim Wakefield, Hideki Okajima, and Jonathon Papelbon. Of those players, only Ortiz and Papelbon would be worth bringing back in. This leaves the door open for Jose Iglesias at shortstop, Ryan Lavarnway at catcher, Ryan Kalish in right field, and a couple of players in the bullpen. The Red Sox were nothing more than a bunch of high priced players who simply went through the motions. While the steady influence and calming nature of veteran leadership is valuable during the closely contested games and the playoffs, it takes youthful exuberance to get a team to play with energy during the dog days of the season. The Sox have been lacking that for a long time, and it has proven to be a major detriment. Bring in some of the kids in AAA, instead of blowing money on high priced players that do not fit.

The Sox just need to do the preceding four things and they will be back to where they were during 2004 and 2007 – winning championships. However, that would require the Sox to actually focus on baseball moves, instead of acquiring players that the Pink Hat community will like. Naturally, this process would be about as popular with them as it would be if someone collected every copy of ‘Sweet Caroline’ and blew them up Disco Demolition style. So it will not happen. Why fix the problem when the park is filled with happy slobs that will pay $10 for a beer, just for the experience of being at Fenway?

Crashing The Wave

If you have been to a sporting event, or watched one on television any time in the past thirty years, you have seen it. It is one of the most annoying sports occurrences, distracting viewers from the action on the field. It has spawned an entire generation of ‘fans’ who know nothing about the teams playing, or the sports in general, but who want to go out to the ballpark for the experience. It sucks people into it’s trap like a spider and a fly. It is the wave.

To rip apart the wave, one must understand it’s origins. The wave began in the early 1960′s, when a male cheerleader named Bill T. Peterson would run around the court at basketball games for Pacific Lutheran University, urging fans to rise up as he passed. From that point, it disappeared until it unfortunately resurfaced during the 1976 Montreal Olympics, and then in the NHL. Yes, this is a good time to blame Canada. Eric Cartman would be proud.

An alternative theory on the origins of the wave lays the blame squarely at the feet of one ‘Krazy’ George Henderson, who started it during the 1981 AL Championship game between the Oakland A’s and the New York Yankees. He claims the wave was inspired by accident when he jumped up at an NHL game while trying to lead cheers in the arena.

First, who are these people that think it’s their right to perform such a distracting and mindless task? They continually cajole and demand for people to stand up and do the wave, even in situations when it is not appropriate. Yeah, do the wave in a game when your team is losing 15-2 in the bottom of the fifth inning. Yeah, that’s the perfect time. Who cares if the game is out of reach and there is a better chance of Jesus, Nero, Hitler, and Charles de Gaulle performing a conga line through the aisles than of your team winning? The wave is FUN, and you just want to say you where there.

The wave is, in part, the beginning of the ‘pink hat’ phenomenon, leading people to want to have fun and hang out as opposed to watch the game. Go to Fenway after a Red Sox home game, find one of those pink hat fans (they are everywhere), and ask them basic baseball questions or questions about the game. At almost every moment, they will be unable to answer the questions. Yet, they will gush on about singing ‘Sweet Caroline’ or about doing the wave, or how they drank a lot of beer.

Do not think this is an epidemic only for the Red Sox, because it is not. The Jets have that annoying twit Fireman Ed, who prances around in the stands, leading cheers by force until he gets his ugly mug and white fireman’s hat on television. The Yankees have ‘Cotton Eye Joe’ playing for the seventh inning stretch. The Braves have the tomahawk chop. And it goes on, and on, and on. The rot has infected every stadium.

In the end, it all comes back to the wave. If not for that, all of these other ballpark gimmicks befitting independent minor league teams would not be around. Real fans know when it’s appropriate to engage in such things according to the game. Real fans understand the sport they are watching, and actually pay attention to the games. Pink Hat fans and those who just want the experience participate in the wave and singing songs that make rational people want to puncture their own eardrums if only to get the song out of their skulls. Which one do you want to be?