The Women's World Cup

Stop the music, because we have heard this song before.

Back in the halcyon days of yore, 1999 to be exact, there was a team of women, vying for a championship on fields of green. They faced off against a foe that was, for all intents and purposes, representative of everything that their home country was not. In the end, the US Women's team won, forever leaving the iconic image of Brandi Chastain ripping her shirt off (back when she was hot, and was not showing more neck veins and tendons than Arnold Schwarzenegger).

Riding the afterglow of their victory, a professional women's soccer league came into existence. Founded in February of 2000, the Women's United Soccer Association came into existence. Fielding eight teams, they began play in April 2001. Then they realized what should be obvious at this point - that there is not enough interest to maintain a viable women's league in ANYTHING, aside from beach volleyball and pole dancing, in this country. The league suspended operations on September 15, 2003, and faded off into the dust of history.

Back to the present. We find ourselves looking at yet another women's soccer team that has managed to capture the imagination of the United States. This time, they came back from seemingly insurmountable odds, as they had to contend with being down a player, questionable (and that is being charitable) officiating, and a soccer team in Brazil that was hungry to win the championship. Despite it all, they managed to tie the game on a miraculous play from Megan Rapinoe to Abby Wambach. They would then defeat Brazil on penalty kicks to advance to the semifinals.

Now, once again, the United States is presently enthralled with this group of women. So, this means that some people with extra money are going to look to find a way to exploit this, and gain more money for their coffers. So, in another few months, the concept of yet another women's soccer league may get bandied about, as what would be a better way to cash in on this phenomenon?

Here's an idea that would be the equivalent - find a fireplace and throw that money into it. Because you are just as likely to make some money by doing that as you are to turning a profit with a women's sports league. For proof, just look at the WNBA. Despite David Stern forcing the NBA to keep it on life support, it still hemorrhages money like a Kardashian on a shopping trip.

This may be a great moment, not just for women's soccer, but for soccer in general when it comes to this country. However, one moment does not turn into anything more. Americans are, by nature, easily distracted by the newest and shiniest thing. Women's soccer just will not hold their attention if it is constantly around. Let them be relevant once every four years, and accept that is all that will come of it.

When Failed Experiments Refuse To Die

Fifteen years ago, the NBA created the experiment known as the WNBA. Despite the continual advertisements, the inane 'We Got Next' promotions, and David Stern trying to ram it down our collective throats, no one cared. Fast forward fifteen years, and still, no one cares. In fact, the WNBA rates behind women's college basketball in terms of popularity.

Women's professional sports league, as a whole, do not do well in America. Does anyone remember the Women's United Soccer Association? This league came into existence based off of the popularity of women's soccer after the 1999 FIFA Women's World Cup. Of course, most of that popularity was probably a direct result of Brandi Chastain removing her shirt after celebrating a goal, but the league founders did not realize that. Predictably, the WUSA folded after three years.

Despite the David Stern and the NBA claiming that they are losing money, they continue to funnel cash into this league. NBA teams are forced to 'affiliate' with WNBA teams in their region, and to help support them. Meanwhile, since the league began fifteen years ago, six teams have folded. Three have relocated. And yet, the NBA continues to try to expand the league, increasing the number of financial sinkholes from eight to the present twelve. In fact, of the original eight teams, only four remain. Not exactly a statistic that screams that this is a viable league.

Yet, the league stumbles forward like some horror movie villain that refuses to die. Now in their fifteenth year of existence (or the equivalent of Friday the 13th part 15, with Jason Voorhees attempting to hypnotize the masses into watching the exercise in pure tedium that is being broadcast), the WNBA has announced plans to commemorate this milestone. The top fifteen players in WNBA history will be announced, as will the top fifteen moments in league history. Expect a lot of boredom in that 'highlight' reel. Chances are, the medical profession will be prescribing it as a cure for insomnia. Also, they are planning on holding speciality themed events (like playing the games), fan promotions, interactive events, and presentations to long time season ticket holders (all four of you) throughout the season.

Supporters of the WNBA will claim that this is basketball at it's purest, where fundamentals matter. They will claim that this is a league where being properly coached, having solid teamwork, and knowing your role on the team matter. What they fail to realize is that the games are as exciting as watching paint dry. As completely terrible and unwatchable as the games in the NBA presently are, at least there are moments of excitement. In the WNBA, the most exciting play is the properly executed bounce pass. These Clydesdales with a ball should be put to pasture.

So, be prepared for the onslaught of advertisements proclaiming this monumental occasion. The best way to prepare is make certain that the batteries in your remote control are fresh, otherwise you might accidentally have to endure parts of the game.