The New Eddie Whitson

Today, the Boston Red Sox placed John Lackey on the 15 day DL with what is being called a 'strained elbow'. The timing of this 'strained elbow' is rather peculiar, considering he did not appear to be in any discomfort at any point during this most recent disaster start. This time, in his 6 2/3 innings pitched, he gave up 9 earned runs on 9 hits with 5 walks, which has been roughly par for the Lack-ey course this season.

After the round of batting practice game, Lack-ey cranked his excuse machine into gear once again, this time complaining that his life was terrible in any way imaginable. While looking like Mr. Ed is never a boost to the psyche, if a terrible existence involves getting paid over $80million to essentially be a slow pitch softball pitcher, then sign me up.

On the whole, this signing is reminiscent of another ill-fated singing involving a pitcher going to the AL East. For this, let us steal Professor Peabody's Way Back Machine, and return to the year 1984. Fresh off going 14-8 with a 3.24 ERA for the San Diego Padres, Eddie Whitson signed a 5-year contract with the New York Yankees worth $4.4million, with an option for a sixth year. Needless to say, this marriage worked about as well as William Shatner attempting to sing (seriously, watch his Rocket Man cover). From the start, Whitson did not fit with the Yankees or in New York. He clashed with then-manager Billy Martin, getting into a fight with him in a bar and infamously kicking him in the crotch. He would get panic attacks before pitching in Yankee Stadium, and resorted to warming up while wearing a jacket, so that no one would recognize him before he took the mound. Finally, on July 9th of 1986, Whitson was put out of his misery, and traded back to San Diego for Tim Stoddard.

Back to the present. Lack-ey has the same 'deer in the headlights' look that Whitson had during his time in New York. At this point, he may as well be going out there wearing Depends undergarments, because he is soiling himself every time he takes the mound. If he actually was the horse that he looks like, Lack-ey would be glue. It's time to put him out of his misery.

Lack-ey needs to be traded from Boston. He cannot handle this market, the pressure of pitching on a team expected to contend every year, and having any expectations placed upon him. Lack-ey has been a disaster in every way possible since he signed here. If the Red Sox could get back anything that even resembled being useful for him (and this includes used sweat socks) they should take it immediately.