What Are The Chargers Thinking?

So, who exactly does Norv Turner have pictures of? Did the ownership of the San Diego Chargers happen to be involved in a Mexican ‘dog and pony show’ while ol’ Norv just happened to have a cell phone with a camera? Is he blackmailing Dean Spanos by kidnapping his children and holding them hostage until he has truly pushed the Chargers into oblivion? Is there some sort of vendetta against powder blue?

All of the aforementioned scenarios are more likely than the actualaty that Norv Turner is still allowed to be a head coach in the NFL. However, for some reason that defies all sense, logic, and statistical evidence; Turner will be back for the Chargers for the 2012 season. The sound you hear right now is that of Philip Rivers crying himself to sleep, and Charger fans rocking back and forth telling themselves it would be ok.

Remember back when Marty Schottenheimer was coach of the Chargers? If not, lay off the bong, because it was only 2006. That season, the Chargers went 14-2, then promptly got bounced in the playoffs, which is not a shock since ‘Schottenheimer’ is German for ‘collapsing under pressure’. Following the most predictable early playoff exist since the last time Schottenheimer took a team to the playoffs, the Chargers fired him, promptly bringing in Norv Turner.

Now, the Chargers have a lot of talent. Turner is still, somehow, widely respected as a viable football coach. Despite all the evidence that points to him being only a good co-ordinator, he keeps getting second, third, and even fourth chances to prove people wrong. In fact, despite all the talent on that team, the Chargers have not even made the playoffs for the last two seasons. Know what they have been? The same Chargers as they were under Schottenheimer, right down to a similar winning percentage (.613 for Turner, .588 for Schottenheimer).
So, what exactly has been gained by keeping Turner? Not Super Bowl appearances. Certainly not progress. In fact, NOTHING has been gained by keeping Norv around. Much like the music of Paris Hilton, he should be put out of his misery and removed from being the head coach of the Chargers. However, that won’t happen, since Norv has pictures proving that Chargers ownership bankrolled their purchase by being part of the Columbian drug cartels. It’s the only reason that makes sense.